Stop searching for your other half. You’re whole already. 

I’m not searching for my other half, because I am not half.

Mind blown. Why did I feel pressure to search for my other half? As if I wasn’t fully and wholly enough just as is. As if there was something missing. Something needed to complete me, to complete my family.

Photo Credit: Steve Brandt at Creative Compassion Photography
A dear friend pointed this out to me a few months back, as I voiced how I longed for my son to witness me in a healthy marriage. For him to watch healthy interaction between a husband and wife. I voiced my concern of a man not being daily present in his life. That me, being only mom couldn’t teach my son the things a boy learns from watching a father. When that friend challenged me, I realized that even though I felt confident to raise my son on my own, I still struggled with being me, only one person. Only half of the typical two parents many children have present daily.

Society, and often times religion, like to impose the necessity of a partner to be considered complete. That idea that children need two parents to thrive. Not just that, there’s the stigma that both a male and female are needed. And I call bull–bullion cubes on that one! The reason I felt inadequate, is because I was told and made to believe that parenting alone is just that, an inadequate way to raise a child.

Photo Credit: Steve Brandt at Creative Compassion Photography
As people, we often follow in the direction others have proclaimed over us, or generalized over a group of people. It creates a cap on success, communicating a limit to the success rates. As if before we start we’ve already been proclaimed as a person destined to struggle. Because of that, we enter into situations expecting difficulty. Expecting to endure unnecessary hardships and trials.

I’m here today to tell you that through my personal experience I’ve learned that’s a lie. A freaking delusion. I orchestrated under a mindset of confidence but yet feeling inadequate because it’s me alone. Failing to see the very truth, that I’m far from missing my other half.

I arrived to the battlegrounds of single motherhood ready for just that, a battle. Preparing myself by scrounging for the tools to help defend against the hardships that I thought were bound for me in the dreaded roll of [insert blinking red sign] “Single Motherhood”.

Photo Credit: Steve Brandt at Creative Compassion Photography

As time went on I realized all I needed to do was just “be”. To change my mind set on my self. Open my mind to see my self the way I was designed. Whole! NOT half way complete. Only then I was able to see my self through that new identity, through His lens. One of kingdom identity. Where God proclaims over me that I am Enough. Through re-wiring my brain I saw that I was equipped. Designed to thrive. Made in His image, and through the union with Christ I lacked nothing. See, my dear friends, Christ bridges that gap for us. Where we lacked. We now lack nothing in Him. I don’t lack a half. Because with Him I’m whole. Single motherhood my booty. There’s nothing negative about this role. I’m a mom, there’s nothing single about what I do.

Photo Credit: Steve Brandt at Creative Compassion Photography
It doesn’t take a mom and a dad to raise a child. It doesn’t require two people, 4 hands. It requires loving humans, loving on the tiny human and breathing empowerment through Truth to parent them. I’m in no way dismissing the impact a village can have. I believe my village, the people that have lavished love and support on me, are the whispers of the Father’s heart. Reminding me I can do this–and why I can.

Single motherhood was never intended to be a burden. Not a hardship. It might be a result of a broken relationship. But that brokenness doesn’t continue into the next chapters role of continued parenting.

Nothing is broken about “single” parenting. It’s just an old mindset that needs to be rejuvenated to see things new.

Breathe deep and plant your foot down for that next step, confidently. You’re enough. I am enough. Because He is never lacking, and we lack nothing in Him!

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Father’s Day when you are a Single Mom. 

Someone asked me how will I celebrate Father’s Day. My response. “With my Dad. Him, my son and I are going hiking.” I knew what they meant though. They were not asking that. 

But truth be told. As a single mom. With her childs father across the country.  That has minimal contact…. how does one respond. I’ve thought about this a lot. Because the first two Father’s Days were tough. 

Let me be clear. I’m not bashing or taking down to fathers who live far away from their children. I know many fathers including my son’s, who love their children even through the miles. 

Father’s Day, can be mixed with emotions for single mothers. Disappointment, feeling lost with a lack of responses to questions, dreams washed away of watching kids celebrate as they sit in their Dads lap as he opens gifts… The sadness to know your kids won’t have that. 

As a single mom, life is fairly fast paced. Juggling being mom, breadwinner, care taker, and handling all errends and details in between. With lack of much sleep. So most days I forget it’s just my son and I. I forget we are lacking a 2nd parent in the home. But this day is different always. 

The reality is with the age of my son, and the little contact he has with his Father, its a confusing day for him to understand. He still doesn’t grasp what “Dad” means.

Being a single mom, I’ve been honored on this day by some. If you go by traditional gender rolls, sure, I play both Mom and Dad to keep our lives moving. But, I’m really just a Mom, working double time. I’m not a Father, I’ll never be a Dad. 

Regardless of the things I do for my son. The sports I play with him. The afternoon wrestling games. The sword fights. The specific designated talks I have with my son, that typically a father would have. The one women show when it comes to being a disciplinarian… But still, I’m not a Father. It’s important to note: A mother can do all those things too, just as well. 

Yet, the void, the lack of a daily present father is still felt. My son feels it, even though he’s never known anything different then it just being Mom at home with him. I feel it too, in being a single parent. The void is felt, especially on this holiday. So please, don’t wish me happy Father’s Day. I don’t feel like a Father, and I’m not a Father. 

I’m just a Mom raising her son. Doing whatever needs to be done. Doing whatever it takes to raise him to be an honorable, respectful man in society. One who loves others. Respects both his parents regardless of dynamics. But most of all, I’m raising him to know his worth. Who he is in Christ. His sonship to a Heavenly Father. 

So on this Father’s Day we will call his Dad, and honor him as we will say happy Father’s Day. Every father is important. Irreplaceable. A role a child looks up to, seeks affirmation and love from. 

Although dynamics in our story might be different then planned, it is one we learn to embrace. As a single mother who watches her son grow up with out the daily interaction with his Father, I find comfort that he knows he’s loved! 

Today on Father’s Day, we also celebrate the men who act as role models for my son. We thank God for His roll as a Heavenly Father that we look to for provision, and seek wisdom from, as we lavish in His great love. The love that is ever present in our lives. 

To those single Moms out there. Regardless of the dynamics. Regardless of the past hurt, pain, maybe bitterness felt especially on a day meant to honor fathers, encourage you to not forget this day. Single Moms, you do by traditional roles, often times play both parents. And holy cow it’s not easy, I know! Instead of focusing on the pain, focus on the way this day can be another day to bond with your child through go doing the other person who helped bring them into this world.  Because no matter how your child’s father plays a current role in their life… They played the biggest role in blessing you with that sweet life you hold on your arms. 

Even if you can’t watch your son/daughter embrace their Fathers love today. Even if can’t have that dream on this Holliday, know that their Heavenly Father is ever present, with an unending love. 

Father’s Day doesn’t have to look like Hallmark pictures. You are the author of how to best spend Father’s Day with your children. Make it a great one, don’t hide in your home waiting for it to pass.