Someone asked me how will I celebrate Father’s Day. My response. “With my Dad. Him, my son and I are going hiking.” I knew what they meant though. They were not asking that.
But truth be told. As a single mom. With her childs father across the country. That has minimal contact…. how does one respond. I’ve thought about this a lot. Because the first two Father’s Days were tough.
Let me be clear. I’m not bashing or taking down to fathers who live far away from their children. I know many fathers including my son’s, who love their children even through the miles.
Father’s Day, can be mixed with emotions for single mothers. Disappointment, feeling lost with a lack of responses to questions, dreams washed away of watching kids celebrate as they sit in their Dads lap as he opens gifts… The sadness to know your kids won’t have that.
As a single mom, life is fairly fast paced. Juggling being mom, breadwinner, care taker, and handling all errends and details in between. With lack of much sleep. So most days I forget it’s just my son and I. I forget we are lacking a 2nd parent in the home. But this day is different always.
The reality is with the age of my son, and the little contact he has with his Father, its a confusing day for him to understand. He still doesn’t grasp what “Dad” means.
Being a single mom, I’ve been honored on this day by some. If you go by traditional gender rolls, sure, I play both Mom and Dad to keep our lives moving. But, I’m really just a Mom, working double time. I’m not a Father, I’ll never be a Dad.
Regardless of the things I do for my son. The sports I play with him. The afternoon wrestling games. The sword fights. The specific designated talks I have with my son, that typically a father would have. The one women show when it comes to being a disciplinarian… But still, I’m not a Father. It’s important to note: A mother can do all those things too, just as well.
Yet, the void, the lack of a daily present father is still felt. My son feels it, even though he’s never known anything different then it just being Mom at home with him. I feel it too, in being a single parent. The void is felt, especially on this holiday. So please, don’t wish me happy Father’s Day. I don’t feel like a Father, and I’m not a Father.
I’m just a Mom raising her son. Doing whatever needs to be done. Doing whatever it takes to raise him to be an honorable, respectful man in society. One who loves others. Respects both his parents regardless of dynamics. But most of all, I’m raising him to know his worth. Who he is in Christ. His sonship to a Heavenly Father.
So on this Father’s Day we will call his Dad, and honor him as we will say happy Father’s Day. Every father is important. Irreplaceable. A role a child looks up to, seeks affirmation and love from.
Although dynamics in our story might be different then planned, it is one we learn to embrace. As a single mother who watches her son grow up with out the daily interaction with his Father, I find comfort that he knows he’s loved!
Today on Father’s Day, we also celebrate the men who act as role models for my son. We thank God for His roll as a Heavenly Father that we look to for provision, and seek wisdom from, as we lavish in His great love. The love that is ever present in our lives.
To those single Moms out there. Regardless of the dynamics. Regardless of the past hurt, pain, maybe bitterness felt especially on a day meant to honor fathers, encourage you to not forget this day. Single Moms, you do by traditional roles, often times play both parents. And holy cow it’s not easy, I know! Instead of focusing on the pain, focus on the way this day can be another day to bond with your child through go doing the other person who helped bring them into this world. Because no matter how your child’s father plays a current role in their life… They played the biggest role in blessing you with that sweet life you hold on your arms.
Even if you can’t watch your son/daughter embrace their Fathers love today. Even if can’t have that dream on this Holliday, know that their Heavenly Father is ever present, with an unending love.
Father’s Day doesn’t have to look like Hallmark pictures. You are the author of how to best spend Father’s Day with your children. Make it a great one, don’t hide in your home waiting for it to pass.